What Do Women Want?
They’ve written songs, books, and movies on the topic. If only she came with a manual, right? How much would you spend to get it? Well, I’m about to let you in on a little secret. If you’re lucky enough to have a partner that reads romance, you may well have a wealth of resources right at your fingertips. With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’m going to do my best to explain how to show the romance reader in your life how special she/he is.
The First Step is Acceptance.
The very first thing you need to do is accept your partner’s love of romance. It’s not a slight toward you. It isn’t filth. Don’t make jokes about her reading it. You think you’re joking, but it rarely comes across that way. To her, it’s more shaming or demeaning. Read my blog post, Why An Intelligent Woman Reads Romance. Then come to terms with her need to read it and why. It’s not about you or any shortcomings you have. It’s more about her need to feel hope or just relax. You don’t have to love romance. You just have to love her, which means accepting her as she is.
Consider Using Her Library for Research
Now, if all you do is accept her, that’s outstanding. You could leave it at that. But I want to take it a step further. Is the romance reader in your life shy? Is she insecure (especially about her body)? I’d like to give you some things to try. If done right, you’ll watch her bloom right before your eyes. This’ll only make you love her more, because confidence, as we all know, is seriously sexy.
You’ll find those things I’d like you to try in her library. Don’t roll your eyes. And don’t worry. You don’t have to read all of her books. Instead, I want you to follow some version of the following steps.
- When you walk in and see her reading, flop down beside her. In an off-hand manner, ask her why she enjoys reading romance. Ask seriously, not in a joking manner. And listen carefully to the reasons she gives.
- As a follow-up question, ask her what her favorite book is and why. It’ll be hard for her to answer this, but make her choose one. Commit the answer to memory.
- This is the hard part for you. Buy that book and read it. I know. It won’t be fun for you. But think of it as research. It’s only one book, and she’s the love of your life. She’s worth it.
Don’t Stop Reading This Post Yet…
It’s really important you understand this part. I’m not asking you to read and copy exactly what the Hero does. Instead, read between the lines (literally). How does the Hero makes the Heroine feel? How does he take care of her? How does he support her?
Now put that knowledge into action. Consider what she told you about why she liked that book. Then I want you to pick one thing. Just one. And do it. You’ll feel silly the first time. But when you see her eyes tear up and the smile on her face, it’ll be worth it.
When you’re picking the one thing you’re going to do, pick something you can adapt and make natural for you.
Let me give an example. If her favorite book has a rock star for the hero and you’re tone deaf, you can’t sing her a song. But maybe you can play her favorite song and wrap her up in a slow dance in the middle of the kitchen.
Maybe her favorite book has a highlander warrior that fought a neighboring clan for her honor. Well, I wouldn’t recommend that. But, looking deeper, you notice the hero often grabs her face and tells her how he feels about her. There’s nothing stopping you from walking up to her, out of the blue, grabbing her face gently, and telling her something you love about her.
Less is More.
Remember, I said pick one thing. If you suddenly do dozens of romantic things, she’ll get suspicious. Just put yourself out there once. She’ll give the love back tenfold. And when you see how happy she is, you’ll feel compelled to try something else. Just wait a few days before you do.
Give the Magic a Chance to Work.
Eventually, it’ll feel more natural, and she’ll start to trust it’s real. You might never understand why it means so much to her. But that’s not the point. The point is it does mean the world to her, and she means the world to you. That’s what matters.
Don’t dismiss the importance of taking care of her heart. Too many men shrug the emotional stuff off. If she’s romantic, ignoring her emotional needs will cause her to keep her guard up. She won’t feel safe enough to risk all of herself.
That means, if you don’t care for her heart properly, you’re only getting a part of her. You won’t lose her, but you won’t really have her either. Wouldn’t that be a shame?
Research the book she treasures, give her heart the care it’s calling out for, and watch her unlock and open. You’ve been living at a house, but you’ve only been on the front porch. Unlock her. You have the keys now. Use them.
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