Do You Hide Your Love of Romance?

     Do you hide your romance novel behind the latest best-seller of “How to Lose Weight” or maybe an anthology of poems about birds? Is it something you only feel comfortable doing alone? Have you tucked your book away in embarrassment after having someone (probably a man) walk by and comment, “Why do you read that filth?” Well, I’m here to talk about why an intelligent woman like me reads it, loves it, and will never apologize for it.

Because I Want to. 

     In a perfect world, this post would answer with one sentence: I read it because I want to. That should be the only answer you need. However, I’ve noticed some things that have prompted me to expand on that answer. Mainly, I’ve noticed the mentality of women being asked this question. Instead of responding with pride and putting the asker in his/her place, they feel doubt and shame. I find this unacceptable. For me, it’s just a way women are still being held down and pushed into a man-made mold. So I want to talk about it. I hope to weed out the shame and plant seeds of empowerment.

Being a Bully is Wrong.

     Of course, as always, I only speak for myself, but it seems like many have a nasty habit of defaulting to feelings of shame when reading romance. There are a plethora of reasons I could list rooted in centuries of women’s oppressed sexuality, but this isn’t that type of post. I’m merely mentioning it so when you get a sarcastic comment, you can recognize it for what it is: A comment meant to make you feel shame, doubt, and insecurity. It’s an attempt to ‘knock you down a peg.’ And it’s wrong.

Believe in Your Worth.

     Now that’s been established, let’s move on to why a perfectly normal, intelligent woman might love reading romance. Remember, I’m not answering this for the people asking you. They get the answer they deserve: Because I want to. I’m answering for you, the reader. I want you to actually believe yourself when you give that answer. I don’t want you to secretly feel ashamed. I want you to stand firm and embrace who you are, and what you love.

I Can Take a Break From the World.  

     The first reason is simple. The real world can suck. That’s it in a nutshell, but I’ll elaborate. At any given moment, I’m juggling ten different tasks. Jobs, relationships, kids, and families can pull us a dozen directions all day long. It’s stressful to be depended on so heavily. Add in the news and social media, and the stress can soar to unimaginable heights. What can we do to ease that? Not everyone has the time or money to go to therapy, quit their job, or get a massage. Sometimes, sitting on the couch and reading a romance works wonders. For a few stolen minutes, I step into another life. A life that may have problems, but a hero comes to save the day and everyone wins. When I get up, I feel more inspired to take on my tasks. It gives me hope.

Reading Helps My Brain Calm Down. 

     The second reason is closely related. Sometimes all that stress from the real world grows into something more crippling. I’m talking about depression and anxiety. I’m not a doctor so please don’t take this as medical advice. If you’re struggling so much that it’s impairing your life, you should see a doctor. My anxiety is mostly manageable. It only rears its head under certain circumstances, and I’ve found reading to be an escape. If I feel anxiety flaring up, I can sit with a book and slip into a world that doesn’t make me anxious. I choose a story that brings me comfort, and allows me to turn my brain off and relax. Also, if I’m reading, I’m not on social media making it worse. It’s a distraction that works for me.

The World Becomes Easily Accessible.

     Lastly, I use reading to experience things I can’t do, see, or understand. Reading stories set in unfamiliar cultures can bring me a step closer to connecting with people outside of my privileged southern upbringing. I read about people struggling with similar problems, but they have completely different points of view. Or I read about people who do things I will never do. For example, I’ll never climb Mt. Everest, but I might choose a story with a character who does. This helps me appreciate the people who do those things in real life. I don’t suffer from disease or severe mental illness, but I might read about a character trying to build a normal life around those issues. It helps me appreciate how much harder those people work to live and love. Ultimately, it makes me a more tolerant and understanding person.

Don’t Let Anyone Rob Your Joy. 

        Those are only three reasons, but I could write a book full of them. I invite you to add your own personal reasons below. Reading romance is a good thing. It gives me hope, quells anxiety, teaches tolerance, and allows me to experience things I will never do myself. 

     What about that is filth? Is it the sex? I’m willing to bet most people around you watch prime time tv or movies. How is that different? I would even argue that your story about love and happily ever after is better than some graphic loveless scenes you can see on any given night in front of the tv. You deserve grown-up stories just like the rest of the adult world, especially if you’ve just spent all day watching Frozen for the fiftieth time.

     I challenge you. The next time a bully comments, force them to explain what is wrong with it. Make them look you in the eye and tell you you’re inferior because you read something that brings you hope. I don’t think they will, but if they do, their answer will be baseless and once again meant to shame you. At that point, you can smirk, open your book, and respond, “Because I want to,” dismissing them completely.